Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
