you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
