And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think my tv is drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
