yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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