Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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