im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You are a genius and a whore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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