I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
