do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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