I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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