I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your cock deserves a montage
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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