he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
why is half of my head shaved?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
