Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
