you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize