So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
