dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
