No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
