Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
