I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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