Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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