the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
