i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Girls should come with a carfax report
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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