I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
