You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
