Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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