I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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