Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize