Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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