Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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