At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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