She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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