You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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