I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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