Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's the barista slut.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
