she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
