New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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