so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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