Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
