my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize