Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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