There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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