i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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