hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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