I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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