the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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