i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
