I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
