guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I won the penis lottery.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
