he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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