I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
