Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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