Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
