sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
