even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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