So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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