What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
