Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
