I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
