Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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