help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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