I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
