mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
