he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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