is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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