Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
