theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
