Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize