please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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