"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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