And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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