I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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