He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
