My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
only if we run a train.
done.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
