bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
