I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
