At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
