the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
