I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I want her autograph on my taint
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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