I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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