So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize