we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
