life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
