Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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