the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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