So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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