FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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