my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You made out with two different species that night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
