When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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