You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
