i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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