the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
