Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
