Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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