In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
