im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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