His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
