You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
