you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
