She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize