bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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