the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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