We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
