Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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