Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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