dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
