He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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