I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
